A New Baby Lives in a Kingdom We Adults Left A Long Time Ago

I held a baby yesterday that was one day old.  his eyes were mostly closed except for a few brief moments where he shuddered when the lights met his eyes.  A few times he was jolted awake by what my mind could only guess was the sensation of falling. When i looked into the baby's eyes I forgot about everyone else in the room.

I was taken away by the warmth of his little body and his movements.  Sometimes a smile and other times a frown.  occasionally, i couldn't help but think how much this baby will be changed buy culture and language, though the two are more like one animal. we coo and make sounds and faces at the baby because that's all he knows.  adults talk about this and that and what a miracle.  but one look at the baby and all the words just kind of taper off. They pale next to the helpless form whose meaning, especially to the parents, is to vast to capture.

In Buddhism the razor's edge is the line between rational language-driven intellect and the non-rational non-linguistic primordial experience sometimes called enlightenment.  The razor's edge as I know it is the balance of those two.  Striving to walk the razor's edge means for Westerners that self-exploration can lead to understanding the self better and allowing the right brain to have more air time than the left brain for a more balanced life.

This baby, my nephew, is amazing for all the reasons I listed above, but also because he is right now on the other side of the Razor's Edge.  The feeling it gives me to be in company of pure experience of a baby is a gift.

The cure for Serena Williams' 12-second obscenity-laced tirade

On September 5, 2009, CNN ran an article about Serena Williams’ 12 –second obscenity-laced verbal attack on a line judge at the U.S. Open. The opening line reads, “Serena Williams just wants to move on.” Unfortunately for her, she may have many more days where she is forced to hear about her actions while “in the moment.”

Her choice is simple, accept the behavior or improve on it. Players known for their flare-ups range from John McEnroe to Andy Roddick. Whether their behavior arises from a big ego, or they believe they can't control their “temper,” players often wear their rage as badge of honor. What some see as despicable actions on the part of professional athletes, others recognize as dedication and passion toward the sport they love. Part of the problem is that today's culture rewards gifted athletes and even those that show an incredibly competitive side - regardless of the consequences. They may justify their actions or even offer an apology, but we rarely hear much about the target of their tirades.  We rarely hear regret about how they used their power to ridicule someone with less power than them. Charles Barkley captured this truth when he said, "I am not a role model." Unfortunately, he was wrong. It isn't up to the athletes.  Children and youths learn by modeling.  And unsportsmanlike behavior presents children with an anti-evolutionary model of how to treat others.

Serena says she learned from her mistake. So, before we move on, lets instead call for a “learning moment,” as Barack Obama likes to say. We can start by asking what did she learn? Did she learn that it is wrong to publicly humiliate another human being that is doing their job to the best of their ability? I would hope she knew that already. Did she learn that she must do a better job of controlling her behavior? That’s not likely since she said she was "in the moment" and didn’t even really remember the tirade. Furthermore, she said that the call wasn’t correct and the match was really close. Close indeed. It was match point! If that scenario doesn't wake you up to the realization that you need to control your actions, what will. Did she learn that you must apologize appropriately and promptly? First of all, there is no appropriate response that could have undone the hurt at that time. Secondly, the No. 2 ranked female tennis player in the world said she “believes she apologized.” Probably not a heartfelt apology if you don't remember it.

Serena, if you want to truly learn, start meditating. There is no better way for you to control what you say and do, both of which take root in your thoughts. Mediation works on letting thoughts pass without acting on them and changing them into more positive ones. The point of mediation is to bring awareness to that you do, whether in a fight or flight situation. It will work if you practice it. Period. That is, if you really do want to learn.

I am reading between the lines here, but it sounds like she realized she was going to lose and rather than give her opponent the satisfaction of winning, she chose to lose the match on a technicality – and at the expense of the line judge’s interests. At least there is some level of awareness where she can begin improving. Serena unsurprisingly justified her actions, by saying, "I am not a robot. I have a heart and I bleed." She will find those that understand her actions, like McEnroe. It would interest me to know what McEnroe thinks of such outbursts as a spectator. Does he have any regrets or does he see his actions as part of who he was. Serena can take comfort that tennis greats like John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors frequently lost their heads on the court. However, unlike them, she has said she wants to learn from her mistake – something they didn't even really acknowledge.

The boos you heard were not just a recognition of your poor sportsmanship and a plea to get you to stop – which you couldn’t do on your own. They were also the sound of people who were able to look at the scene from the perspective of the line judge. Neither perspective is right. But one did disappoint the fans and caused humiliation to you and the line judge. Serena can take solace that a few people understand her actions, even if most recognized the maladjusted anger and hostility as untamed ego. I believe that most will remember how she lost and what she took away from the line judge, herself and her opponent – “in the moment.” Of course, every fan has experienced moments they wish they could take back, maybe even daily. Meditation is still the best cure for this condition and it benefits all that can and will put in the effort.

Serena, this storm will pass. But when you say you learned from it, you need to ask the right questions to yourself.  You need to learn how to make yourself stay aware, even when you are "in the moment." You see, there is another meaning to being in the moment.  It can also mean being extremely aware of your thoughts and actions so you don't harm others. With meditation, you can experience an immediate relaxed awareness and you can cultivate that energy for when you need it. It is possible because many athletes have the greatest poise in the most challenging circumstances. Recently, their was the bitter loss of Andy Roddick to Roger Federer in the 2009 Wimbledon final. There were no out-of-control flare-ups that Andy commonly displays. Perhaps Andy recognized that Federer’s exquisite sportsmanship and his influence as a champion would make any antics by him look even more pathetic.

For some, and maybe most, controlling your thoughts takes great effort. The best cure is some form of meditation.  The results are undeniable. If you are out of control, then by your own admission, your behavior may happen again. Meditation helps narrow your mind's focus, which enables you to experience a relaxed state and not let thoughts control you. It improves your ability to think clearly and wait before reacting to those thoughts that cause regret. Even better, it is a powerful tool for changing the thoughts and seeing the situation differently. In this case, seeing the official as doing her job to the best of her ability is just as accurate as Serena’s view that she missed the call.

Meditation helps you see and understand that there is always more than one perspective. That is the first step toward acting consciously in all that you do. Therefore Serena, if you know that you had little or no control over your actions, as opposed to be more fully aware, you know that the "learning" you seek needs to come from a different state of mind. As Einstein famously said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of  consciousness that created it."

Why the “Inner Commitment Question” is a Personal Development Necessity

“The essence of a question is to open up possibilities and keep them open.” – Hans-Georg Gadamer

You probably have come across a “magic” question designed to enhance your efforts to grow and succeed. Perhaps it was along the lines of “What is most important to me?” Many such questions sound good at first, but just don’t act on our thoughts the way we hope they would. Not so with these powerful and practical eight words. They seem to have awareness of the present moment and taking action encoded into them. So without further ado, here is the "Inner Commitment Question:"

“Right now, what do I need to do?”

It may not look like much, but stay tuned. What follows is a breakdown of exactly why this question can not only launch you into action, but “right” action. Initially, I wasn’t completely sold on the idea of adopting another “must-have” question to my personal development system. Nevertheless, the question had enough potential to justify my rule of placing anything I want to remember in at least two places. A short time later, the Inner Commitment Question popped into my thoughts. When it did, the words instantly began to look, sound, and feel like they contained something potent. I proceeded to say the question to myself a few times. As I did, I immediately realized that it was a keeper.

“The Awareness Opening”
The first two words of the question really stand out, both visually and orally: “Right now, what do I need to do?” The meaning they give the question is remarkable when you think about it. Without them, you are left with ‘what do I need to do?’ In this form, the sentence changes from one of taking action to paralysis. In contrast, the phrase “right now” turns the sentence into an immediate command that jumpstarts creative thoughts and actions.

After years of use, the words “right now” still jump out at me, and each time I find myself zooming in toward the present moment. I wouldn’t call it a miracle, but it’s pretty neat when it happens. I call this mode of thinking the “Awareness Opening.” The Awareness Opening can best be described as “thinking about your thinking.” The Winnie the Pooh character, Tigger, marvels at the power of this experience when he says, “Why didn’t I think of thinkin’ of that?” If only he had known about the Inner Commitment Question.

The Awareness Opening is more powerful than merely choosing between reading more emails and calling a friend. That kind of conscious action is commonplace, but it is not the same as “thinking about your thinking.” With the Awareness Opening, our mind seems to hover in the present, free from limiting beliefs or negative thoughts. You’re still thinking of course, but a door has opened and you are hyper-aware of the opportunity. During this brief span of time, it’s normal to feel the power and confidence necessary to take courageous steps in the direction of your loftiest goals. The Inner Commitment Question loves to come knocking when you are engaged in busywork or an activity that distracts you from what you “need to do.” Asking the question can help you reach the Awareness Opening and take advantage of it.

How do I know what I need to do?
Now that we understand what “right now” does for the question, we can better understand the remainder of it. The word “need” is defined in The New Oxford American Dictionary as follows: “require (something) because it is essential or very important…” It probably won’t surprise you that when you ask yourself – “Right now, what do I need to do?” – you are very seldom doing what you “need to do” (what is most essential.) As much as we love to throw the word “important” around, it just doesn’t create the urgency that “need” does.

The real beauty of the Inner Commitment Question is that we already know what action we “need” to take. Whether we are dealing with an upset customer or mentally preparing for “the talk” with our partner, we are rarely at a loss for choices. Beware of the myth that our busy lives mean that our intuition is lacking or doesn’t feed us clear insights. The greater problem is that we non-consciously block our intuition or filter it through limiting beliefs. The result is that we react with a conditioned response instead of a conscious decision. Applying the Inner Commitment Question won’t always trigger the Awareness Opening, but it will at least create the opportunity to reroute your thinking toward more positive, intuitive choices.

Conclusion
A common misconception about questions is that more often than not they “occur” to us. In actuality, questions usually force themselves on us. As Hans-Georg Gadamer points out, “A question presses itself on us; we can no longer avoid it and persist in our accustomed opinion.” Cultivating the Inner Commitment Question allows you to consistently enter a proactive mode of awareness. Asking it can be a gateway to generating more questions, which in turn lead to greater clarity of purpose.

The effectiveness of the Inner Commitment Question depends a great deal on your state of mind. For example, if you are weary or agitated, your ability to concentrate and allow the question to manifest is greatly diminished. For challenging situations, repeat the question until the words seep into the foreground of your mind, crowding out negative or distracting thoughts.

Today’s Zen Choice is between consciously shifting your thoughts to a bird’s eye view of “what needs to be done’ and settling for the present moment when it randomly shows up.

Please share your comments.


Zen Choices Blog by Zen Choices is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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