The cure for Serena Williams' 12-second obscenity-laced tirade

On September 5, 2009, CNN ran an article about Serena Williams’ 12 –second obscenity-laced verbal attack on a line judge at the U.S. Open. The opening line reads, “Serena Williams just wants to move on.” Unfortunately for her, she may have many more days where she is forced to hear about her actions while “in the moment.”

Her choice is simple, accept the behavior or improve on it. Players known for their flare-ups range from John McEnroe to Andy Roddick. Whether their behavior arises from a big ego, or they believe they can't control their “temper,” players often wear their rage as badge of honor. What some see as despicable actions on the part of professional athletes, others recognize as dedication and passion toward the sport they love. Part of the problem is that today's culture rewards gifted athletes and even those that show an incredibly competitive side - regardless of the consequences. They may justify their actions or even offer an apology, but we rarely hear much about the target of their tirades.  We rarely hear regret about how they used their power to ridicule someone with less power than them. Charles Barkley captured this truth when he said, "I am not a role model." Unfortunately, he was wrong. It isn't up to the athletes.  Children and youths learn by modeling.  And unsportsmanlike behavior presents children with an anti-evolutionary model of how to treat others.

Serena says she learned from her mistake. So, before we move on, lets instead call for a “learning moment,” as Barack Obama likes to say. We can start by asking what did she learn? Did she learn that it is wrong to publicly humiliate another human being that is doing their job to the best of their ability? I would hope she knew that already. Did she learn that she must do a better job of controlling her behavior? That’s not likely since she said she was "in the moment" and didn’t even really remember the tirade. Furthermore, she said that the call wasn’t correct and the match was really close. Close indeed. It was match point! If that scenario doesn't wake you up to the realization that you need to control your actions, what will. Did she learn that you must apologize appropriately and promptly? First of all, there is no appropriate response that could have undone the hurt at that time. Secondly, the No. 2 ranked female tennis player in the world said she “believes she apologized.” Probably not a heartfelt apology if you don't remember it.

Serena, if you want to truly learn, start meditating. There is no better way for you to control what you say and do, both of which take root in your thoughts. Mediation works on letting thoughts pass without acting on them and changing them into more positive ones. The point of mediation is to bring awareness to that you do, whether in a fight or flight situation. It will work if you practice it. Period. That is, if you really do want to learn.

I am reading between the lines here, but it sounds like she realized she was going to lose and rather than give her opponent the satisfaction of winning, she chose to lose the match on a technicality – and at the expense of the line judge’s interests. At least there is some level of awareness where she can begin improving. Serena unsurprisingly justified her actions, by saying, "I am not a robot. I have a heart and I bleed." She will find those that understand her actions, like McEnroe. It would interest me to know what McEnroe thinks of such outbursts as a spectator. Does he have any regrets or does he see his actions as part of who he was. Serena can take comfort that tennis greats like John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors frequently lost their heads on the court. However, unlike them, she has said she wants to learn from her mistake – something they didn't even really acknowledge.

The boos you heard were not just a recognition of your poor sportsmanship and a plea to get you to stop – which you couldn’t do on your own. They were also the sound of people who were able to look at the scene from the perspective of the line judge. Neither perspective is right. But one did disappoint the fans and caused humiliation to you and the line judge. Serena can take solace that a few people understand her actions, even if most recognized the maladjusted anger and hostility as untamed ego. I believe that most will remember how she lost and what she took away from the line judge, herself and her opponent – “in the moment.” Of course, every fan has experienced moments they wish they could take back, maybe even daily. Meditation is still the best cure for this condition and it benefits all that can and will put in the effort.

Serena, this storm will pass. But when you say you learned from it, you need to ask the right questions to yourself.  You need to learn how to make yourself stay aware, even when you are "in the moment." You see, there is another meaning to being in the moment.  It can also mean being extremely aware of your thoughts and actions so you don't harm others. With meditation, you can experience an immediate relaxed awareness and you can cultivate that energy for when you need it. It is possible because many athletes have the greatest poise in the most challenging circumstances. Recently, their was the bitter loss of Andy Roddick to Roger Federer in the 2009 Wimbledon final. There were no out-of-control flare-ups that Andy commonly displays. Perhaps Andy recognized that Federer’s exquisite sportsmanship and his influence as a champion would make any antics by him look even more pathetic.

For some, and maybe most, controlling your thoughts takes great effort. The best cure is some form of meditation.  The results are undeniable. If you are out of control, then by your own admission, your behavior may happen again. Meditation helps narrow your mind's focus, which enables you to experience a relaxed state and not let thoughts control you. It improves your ability to think clearly and wait before reacting to those thoughts that cause regret. Even better, it is a powerful tool for changing the thoughts and seeing the situation differently. In this case, seeing the official as doing her job to the best of her ability is just as accurate as Serena’s view that she missed the call.

Meditation helps you see and understand that there is always more than one perspective. That is the first step toward acting consciously in all that you do. Therefore Serena, if you know that you had little or no control over your actions, as opposed to be more fully aware, you know that the "learning" you seek needs to come from a different state of mind. As Einstein famously said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of  consciousness that created it."